Come fly with me… just not there, or there

Note: In this article the word ‘Queer’ is being used as an umbrella term for those in the LGBTQ+ community.

When organising a work trip or a holiday abroad, there are a long list of things to consider. Flights, visas, vaccinations, accommodation, car rental – but most of us don’t give much thought to whether we can freely be ourselves. This played on my mind as I walked into a busy café in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

I had travelled overseas for a statistics workshop and on the first day, I went out for lunch to meet the other 15 participants. We were sat in a busy café getting to know each other, when someone turns to me and asks, ‘do you have a girlfriend?’. I freeze. For many people, this is a trivial question. But I am gay and I’m in a country where homosexuality is illegal and where cultural views can be hostile towards the Queer community. 

The culture of Queer people ‘coming out’ is always described as if it’s a singular event. But in reality, we are in a life-long continuum of coming out. With every new interaction we have with someone, we have opportunities to convey our gender and sexuality. But the prejudice that Queer people face means we often have to navigate conversations carefully to avoid divulging our sexualities, relationships or gender identities – and that can be stressful.